But then why do we suffer so much anxiety, guilt and confusion because of our sexual fantasies? Why do we often worry that our fantasies may be used to prove us “abnormal” or “perverse”?
In fantasy, all the patterns, all the rules, all the conventions can be overturned. We may fantasize ourselves acting in ways that would be unacceptable or disastrous in daily life. In our fantasies, we frequently perform action that we would never dream of doing in the real life.
We should keep in mind that there is a profound difference between thinking about doing something and wanting to carry it through to behavior.
The fact is that the worst danger of anti-social fantasies is not that they will be acted out, but rather the guilt feelings they will be acted out, but rather the guilt feelings they usually engender. Guilt is a powerful and dangerous emotion.
Two of the most common fantasies a man may have when he sees a sexually attractive women are to imagine what she would look like naked and what it would be like to have intercourse with her. Mentally undressing a woman and fantasizing intercourse with her may substitute for the actual behaviour, which may be socially inappropriate in the circumstances. Many men experience a degree of conflict between their professed attitudes of respect for women and the content of their fantasies, but if the distinction between enjoying a fantasy about doing something and actually wanting to do it is kept firmly in mind, then the fantasy can be enjoyed without any accompanying guilt or anxiety.
The important thing is to keep in mind is that whatever erotic entertainment we invent, the vast majority of us are in no danger whatever of wandering outside the bonds of normalcy. There is no such thing as unhealthy sexual fantasy as long as it remains a fantasy and doesn’t become obsessive.
Sexuality Educator, Counselor & Therapist.